OMG Tumblr you are boring as shit today
Anonymous asked: Your blog is awesome, but who the fuck are you?
You Feelin’ It? “Don’t say ‘bombs away’ when you’re taking a drug, man. That’s not cool.” -dangurewitch
Life starts out with everyone clapping when you take a poo and goes downhill...– **Sloane Crosley, I Was Told There’d Be Cake
Not a good sign when your therapist responds with, “That’s messed up.”
1:00PM – Start making stuffing. I volunteer to make stuffing every year. I’ve...– Every Thanksgiving, I like to read Big Daddy Drew’s Thanksgiving Itinerary. It’s right up there with the annual broadcast of It’s a Wonderful Life among holiday traditions. (via thefeeling)
Me: What channel is BBC 4 on?
K: [eyebrow raise]
(Also, I have been in the UK all week and you know what is on TV? King of the Hill.)
This is pretty sweet.
(You can’t see it on your dashboard)
People ask me why I named the show ‘Conan.’ I did it so I’d be harder to replace– Conan O’Brien
Oh thank God page 102 of Infinite Jest something...
riotsnotdiets and tangledupinlace are coming to my house and we are going to cuddle and they will be here in a matter of HOURS eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Rachel: I think that you and I are a little bit more similar than you think.
Kurt: That's a terrible thing to say.
What if the moon was your car and Jupiter was your hairbrush?– Well played, Andy Bernard
shit shit shit shit shit shit shit is the sound you make when deep frying food with bare arms.
My boss: Well, we have enough left, so each of you can take a bottle of wine home as a 'thank you'.
Me: Sweet! I actually just ran out of wine.
My boss: You? Run out of wine? I can't believe it.
I tried to take a shower, but there was no hot water. So, No Shave November, yeah. I guess I’m doing that.
My coworker has “written” a book and it’s awful and it’s about something that happened to her and she’s super proud of it and talks about it all the time and how agents don’t even know what they’re missing and all I can think is HOW ARE YOU NOT EMBARRASSED YOU’RE NOT EVEN FAMOUS AND YOU HIRED A GHOST WRITER WHO IS TERRIBLE. That’s all. ...